"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? And if not now, when?" ― Rabbi Hillel
When it comes to dating after divorce, the thought itself could be intimidating, especially when there are kids involved. Starting another relationship after one has just ended, can be something that can keep you restrained. Since this article is dedicated to divorced men, the content will be more men-oriented. The most common attitude which tends to develop in these men is, I will never give my 100% to a woman now! Of course, the entire procedure of getting separated can be devastating and shattering, but you need to realize that not all relationships have the same ending.
Essential Tips to Follow
The decision of getting into another relationship after one has ended, also depends on the mindset of the person, and the situations faced during divorce. Men who have had a mutually agreed divorce without any complicated hassles―blaming, abusing, cheating―are more open to dating, as compared to men who had to go through a lot. Most men say that they gave their 100% in the previous relationship, but, in spite of that, it didn't work out. Such instances tend to develop a hatred against commitment, and men tend to look for one-night stands or open relationships.
Apart from the fact that I totally sympathize and agree with these men, I also believe that if we can forgive ourselves when we make mistakes in life, why can't we forgive and forget the past and start afresh? You can't stop admiring a rose, just because one thorn made you bleed. Trust me, a bitter experience should make you learn from your mistakes and help you move forward to a better tomorrow. Once you realize this, the following are some tips that will help you start anew.
Wait for the Right Time
This is one of the most common questions that arise in the minds of many divorced men and women―when should one start to date? Well, my advice on this would be to give yourself a little time. Sadly, there are some men who want to jump into another relationship, just to distract their mind from the complications that arise during a divorce. If you are planning to do this, hold on, because all you are doing is writing another complicated chapter in your life. Never ever get into a relationship just for the sake of it. Give yourself at least 6 months to a year.
Focus on Yourself
I need not explain how shattering and straining a divorce can get, both emotionally and physically. So, before introducing yourself to some prospects, it is necessary to give yourself a time of 6 months to 1 year. Taking a break from dating not only helps rejuvenate the mind, but also gives you some time to completely focus on yourself. Hit the gym, get yourself into better shape, get a new hairstyle, a refreshing wardrobe, join some socializing groups, in short, dedicate this time to yourself and do things that you love to do! Live for yourself right now, just yourself.
Don't Focus on the Past
The early stage of starting afresh can be very difficult, as the previous memories keep on haunting your mind. You need to let bygones be bygones. This is the reason why I asked you to get some changes done. You don't want those things around you that remind of your ex! Don't focus on what has happened, instead, try to focus on what can happen in the future. You have had your share of troubles and now comes the time to focus on the happiness you deserve.
Socialize More Often
Many men tend to hit the bar, drink, curse, and shut themselves in the house to get over their ex. If you think all this will make things better, go on; I know for a fact that these things will do nothing but eventually kill your self-esteem! To distract your mind, socialize more. Join new groups that are involved in the activities you love to do. This will give you a chance to make new friends, which may include potential dates! At times, meeting new people who are ready to accept you the way you are, helps you move on with great ease.
What to Talk, What Not to Talk
If socializing has enabled you to meet a woman worth dating, then make sure you don't ruin your chances by sobbing about your past. Of course, you need to mention that you are divorced, but just leave it at that. If the woman you are interested in, is also divorced, don't get into the whys and whens. Instead, bring up your sense of humor, chivalry, and be genuine all the time. This is what attracts women to men. Remember, everyone in this world is going through their share of rough times, you would want to be someone who can bring a smile and cheer up the moment, wouldn't you?
Don't Repeat the Mistakes of the Past
Most divorced men and women, tend to end up falling for those having similar qualities as their exes, and then they complain that relationships never work for them! Prioritize the qualities that you are seeking in your potential date and choose a person based on that. Don't repeat your mistakes; save yourself from the trouble later on.
The bottom line of all the tips mentioned above, is that you need to give yourself time. Be cautious enough to judge the next person you are planning to bring into your life. Follow these steps and be a part of the dating game when you are ready. All the best.