We are not going to have consolations on this subject here, not even some recuperating advice sessions. Rather, we are just going to guide you through this sensitive and traumatic process.
According to the 2004 data compiled by a US agency, the US divorce rate is 4.95 per thousand people; far ahead of UK (3.08), Qatar (0.98), Greece (0.76), China (0.79), and Tunisia (0.82), to represent all the continents.
Divorce is not the happy ending to a not-so-steady marriage, it is unfortunately just a way to stop two people from making each other miserable, of course, with no guarantee of the outcomes being as envisioned. Here we have broken this down into sections based on sense, sensibility, and process order.
It is not a routine decision. It is a life changing decision that has repercussions not only on the two people involved, but practically on anyone who cares for one or both of them.
Make sure you've analyzed your decision alone, then together as well. It should not be emotionally driven, and definitely not ego driven. It is not a casual threat in heated marital arguments, and should definitely not be something to be fulfilled just because you've said it once and can't back out now.
Acknowledge the fact that it is not a child's play. There are marriage counselors who will help you in an attempt at a reconciliation. It is advisable to try it at least once before giving up on each other.
Once the decision has been fully and finally reached, there's one more thing to say. There is often no advantage in being the first person in the filing for an official separation.
The process is long and psychologically and financially draining, so it should only be done when one is sure that he can handle the tough times to come. If not, just wait for a little while, who knows what's around the corner.
Many a time, reconciliations are just as speedy as the break ups. There is nothing that cannot be worked out between two mature adults if the love between them is strong and genuine.
If you have reached the sad conclusion that your relationship is no longer worth fighting for you have to go through a lot of emotional dilemmas. If it is the result of just one spouse wanting it, it can have disastrous effects on the psyche of the other.
If it is due to adultery, cheating, infidelity, or falling out of love, it can turn the aggrieved party into a cynical non-believer of the institution itself. All of this can be avoided by taking the help of therapists, psychologists, and friends (the best cure is good friends).
Healing emotionally is often the toughest job, probably tougher than the event itself. Only healing can help a man to get past this blow and help rebuild the process.
Drop the glum face, and concentrate here. This is where you need to take back the reins of your life and be alert, or you can easily be taken to the cleaners. Brush up on your knowledge a bit, because as a man, you need to be aware.
Mel Gibson separated from his wife of 28 years. He shelled out 500 million dollars in the process. Steven Spielberg doled out about a USD 100 million for his separation.
You may not be the who's who; but you must be aware of what's 'alimony' money. So, this is where you need to call in mediators and attorneys, as things could easily escalate and get ugly. If there are kids involved, then there will be custody battles and child support tussles.
First things first, get yourself a good lawyer who specializes in divorce settlements. Many courts favor the ladies in this case, but a good lawyer can easily turn things around.
Refrain from airing your dirty linen in the courtroom, that is only reserved for the time when the other party is getting ugly. Maintain your status as a good man, you stand better chance of earning the jury's favor then.
Second, brush up your research on the prevailing custody laws in your jurisdiction. Jot down the points that the court will consider to be in the child's best interests.
Make sure you do not fail in one, even one of them. Even one error in this department can be monopolized by the opposition. You need to be faultlessly impeccable in this department, because your children will be worth every bit of that effort. Don't let your guard down, you can cry awhile once the whole thing's over; not before that, please!
Study the economic disparity between the spouses. Whatever the reason for this decision, it is best to part as friends, at least try for it. In order to do this, please keep an open mind towards the financial settlements.
Maybe, it will be worth it in the long run, even if you pay an alimony upfront, because one can't predict the future. If your wife wins the custody battle, your fate is as good as sealed, if your relationship has soured further during the proceedings.
Maybe you will get a better deal from your still friendly spouse, than anything that the court can offer you. If you have crossed the boundaries of enmity, remember the famous dialog from Troy, "We are enemies tonight, but even enemies can show respect."
If you have kids, you should know that you will be tied together even as a divorced couple. There will be no escaping confrontations when both of you will surely not be missing on the school functions, graduation ceremonies, weddings, and social gatherings. There will be no escaping mutual friends as well.
Hence, it is best to part cordially, as the wounds heal faster and leave behind fewer scars. Get all the help you need, asking for help is not a weakness. It is only through healing that you can face each other again and enjoy such events for the sake of others, especially your children.
Psychological therapy will also help you to learn to trust again. It will give you back your confidence to date. Go out there and learn to live, you deserve to fly and rediscover happiness. The things to remember post the proceedings is that it is not the end, merely a new beginning.
They say that behind every successful man is a woman. They also say that behind every unsuccessful one there are two. There could be two, but there's definitely an alimony.
Don't worry, though, if it is the decision you have consciously taken, you will definitely come out of it a better man. After all, mistakes are a learning curve, right? Go out there and start afresh.