Why you're not allowed to watch X-Men

Why you're not allowed to watch X-Men

Light-hearted article on how female psychology can affect what males watch on film or television. How to see the films you want, and have her be none the wiser.
MenWit Staff
"Who's the one celebrity you would most like to get it on with?"

It's one of the most common inconsequential conversations you'll ever have. It is a conversation that will most likely be initiated by your girl, and because of this you think honesty is the best policy, and that she's obviously cool about the subject topic.

Not only are you wrong, but by answering honestly you are missing out on a golden opportunity to manipulate hundreds of future entertainment hours. Read and learn.

Until now, thousands of men out there are answering this well-laid male booby trap with the following standard answers: Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Halle Berry, Keira Knightley and Scarlett Johansson.

You take turns in this exchange with your girl - not particularly surprised to hear she is a fan of that Desperate Housewives gardener along with the even more obvious choice, Brad Pitt - and move on, closer for the shared intimacy. Or so you think.

Two weeks later you stand in the line at your local cineplex. Two movies are playing now. One is the latest suspense/romance blockbuster starring not only Brad Pitt but Jessica Alba too. The second is a 3-hour arthouse film, based on the life of the gent who invented teabags, set to the soundtrack of Les Miserables.

Which do you think you'll be seeing?

"I'm tired of seeing the same movie over and over," says the Mrs.
"Don't you think it's about time we added a little culture to our lives?" she adds.
"It got rave reviews on the movie show."

You think this is about the lack of variety in your home entertainment. You think this is about your girl needing to prove herself as an intellect amongst her film-talking friends. You think wrong.

Your girl will eventually see the blockbuster - with two girlfriends and a choc-top. And you won't. Because you failed to take advantage of the tool she so unwittingly laid out for you.

The problem with the sex icons of today, as determined by this generation of guys, is that the women who kick butt on screen are the same ones that make the covers of Maxim.

They star in your favorite films - X-Men, Sin City, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Star Wars, Fantastic Four, Pirates of the Caribbean, Blade: Trinity... the list goes on.

Hence, by giving your girl a list of your most-lusted, you are giving her a list of great bodies and great bodies of work from, which she will endeavor to prevent you from seeing ever again.

Relax. This is mended easily.

The following is a list of names from which you should choose a new pin-up girl, to have as a ready answer to this inevitable conversation. Bear in mind, the girl you choose will directly relate to the films you no longer have to see:

Sandra Bullock (The Lakehouse, Miss Congeniality), Reece Witherspoon (Just Like Heaven, Legally Blonde), Hilary Duff (The Lizzie McGuire Movie, The Perfect Man), Lindsay Lohan (Herbie: Fully Loaded, Mean Girls), Jennifer Lopez (Shall We Dance, The Wedding Planner).

You get the idea.

I leave this advice with you with a word of caution - try not to be too obvious. She is not going to believe you suddenly have a huge 'thing' for Meryl Streep.