Talking about relationships, abusive women are more common then we can ever imagine. Most of these women exercise emotional, verbal, and physical control in a relationship to suit their needs.
Feminist movements and social activists have long dealt with the problem of women in abusive relationships, be it physical, emotional, or verbal. While the societal issues of battered and abused women have always been in the media limelight, not much is known about the abuse of men. So is it actually true that men have to suffer from abuse in a relationship too? Well, haven’t we all heard of terms such as “hen-pecked” and “not being man enough”, in reference to men. Although society has always looked upon women as the weaker sex, who are born to nurture and love everyone, the truth about abusive women cannot be ignored.
Abusive women have often been defined as selfish, narcissistic women who choose to inflict physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse to control the people in a relationship. This damage can be imposed on the spouses, boyfriend, or even the children. Although the physical abuse may not be all that prevalent (It does exist), men tend to suffer much more from emotional and verbal abuse. Abusive women tend to use deceit and fury to create emotional unrest, or lie, connive, and extort to get what they want. Most of these women, have a drinking or other addiction problem, or a history of delinquency, truancy, or running away.
The characteristics that are usually present in abusive men are displayed by women as well. One of the common forms of abuse for men is verbal abuse. While it is more difficult to spot since there are no physical signs of the abusiveness, the instances of verbal abuse is quite common. A verbally abusive women would usually attack the nature and abilities of the partner, making him wonder if there is something wrong with his abilities. This can include overtly loud outbursts and name calling or subtle comments and brain washing. The constant abuse and disrespect, in front of children and strangers, can also lead to lowering of the self-esteem.
Some abusive women also resort to emotional abuse which is characterized by erratic mood swings, jealously and possessiveness. The abuser will want to know about the whereabouts of the person at all times. They may also make a distinct effort of isolating the abused person from the friends and relatives. If the abused man tries to break away from the mold, she may threaten him with dire consequences such as taking away the children or committing suicide. Most emotional abusers are persistent liars who make up false stories and accusations, such as those of child abuse.
In addition to these signs of abusive relationship, you will find an abusive woman unwilling to take responsibility for her own chaotic life, and instead plays the victim in front of others. Behind closed doors you would find her raging and shouting for simple things. She may also hit, scratch, shove, or throw things at the abused person. When the abused person wants to end the relationship, the abuser can become vindictive and dangerous. They might want to kill their partner, or the partner’s new companion, children, or stage unsuccessful suicides.
Men who have to deal with such abusive relationships, often experience fear, shame, and bewilderment. This is partly because of the society and the law and order system which refuses to believe that a man is hit by a woman, and partly due to a fear of loss and alienation. Even the domestic violence laws are enacted keeping an abused and battered woman in mind. The best course of action in such a case is to stop rationalizing “abusive” behavior as “normal”, detach yourself emotionally, and move out of this relationship. This will allow you to break the vicious cycle of abuse and allow you to lead a better, more fulfilling life.