Most of the time, it is men who are believed to be controlling in relationships. A dominating man, who coerces a woman to lead a life according to his wishes, is a stereotype that most of us generally believe in. However, sometimes, women can be as controlling as men in relationships. They might use several tactics to make their men do and behave in ways, that they feel is appropriate. Such women usually have many tricks up their sleeve to control their men. They can withhold sex or threaten to divorce or actually be so persuasive in their arguments, that the men are brainwashed into thinking on similar lines as them. Living in the same house with such a woman can be a living hell for the men though. That's why, it is very necessary that they know how to deal with such women, if walking out is not an option that they are considering and if they want to save their relationship.
How to Deal with a Controlling Woman in a Relationship
Before learning the ways of dealing with a controlling spouse, you need to first of all identify the signs that control freaks exhibit. A controlling woman will have her way in everything, be it conversation or the choice of things for your household or any important decision. She always walks and talks with the air of "I am always right" and is very rigid. To have her way, she might resort to arguments, fights or even shame you publicly. If she has to prove a point to you, she might actually lie or rewrite history! She will even resort to intimidation to have her way!
If you see your partner displaying such behavior, it is time that you take things in your hand and make her see that what she is doing is wrong and detrimental to your relationship. So, the first thing that you should do is to communicate with your partner, all your observations and feelings about her behavior towards you. Be very gentle, but firm, when you do this. Tell her that her behavior has hurt you many times and that now, you will no longer accept it.
Usually, when you confront a control freak, the first reaction will be defensive. She will not accept that she is controlling in her behavior. Such a thought process might stem from her experience in previous relationships, where her partners accepted her the way she is. If your partner is being angry and defensive, this in itself is a way to end the conversation, which is another form of controlling! In such a scenario, if your partner is not ready to discuss the issue with you right away, bring it up again and again, till she is ready to discuss it.
When dealing with a control freak, getting their acknowledgment about their own behavior is very important. Only if they agree that they have been controlling in the past, would they try and change things. If they agree, you two can start working on improving your relationship. However, if they refuse to even discuss it further; if they do not communicate with you, or, if you are so scared of them that you are thinking of dropping the whole issue all together, it shows that this relationship is not stable and that you need to rethink it.
Considering that your partner is willing to make things work, bring out all the things that you found annoying about them in the past. Take real life examples and find a solution for them. For instance, if you do not like the fact that you end up watching the TV shows that your wife likes everyday, decide on the days or shows when you will get to keep the TV remote. It might sound silly to discuss such small things, but this needs to be done if you want to change things for the better.
Likewise, discuss every small and big issue and find a solution for it. This should improve the situation in your home. In some cases, a woman might behave in a controlling way, if she feels that her spouse is not giving her time or does not understand her. If this is the case, be loving towards your wife, spend time together, go on a holiday, do some new, fun things together, like join a dance class. All these things, might help and change things for you two. If they don't, you can consider going in for therapy. A therapist is the right person to talk to and she will suggest some practical solutions for all your problems, which will definitely help you!
All relationships are based on respect, but a relationship with a control freak lacks this very important quality. That's why, changing the situation is of utmost importance. In the end, things can work out for you or nothing might come out of your efforts. So, keep an open mind and do not be harsh on yourself if your relationship fails. Remember, whatever happens in life, is for the best!