Does your girlfriend directly or indirectly accuse you of being clingy, of not giving her the space she needs, and you fail to understand why? Many times, there is a thin line that defines if you are clingy or caring in a relationship. If you are struggling with similar issues, then MenWit comes to your rescue by giving you some essential tips on how to be a caring boyfriend without being clingy.
Are You a Clingy Boyfriend?
The answer is pretty much YES if you –
☞ Call her several times in a day without any reason.
☞ Get upset when she doesn’t respond immediately.
☞ Constantly fear that she would leave you.
☞ Can’t function without her being in touch.
☞ Are dependent on her way too much!
If you agree with all of these statements, then you are likely to snap back at us and say that all these are the signs of being in love. You want to be with the person all the time, talk to her, depend on her for the big and small things, and obviously, be around her because you care for her. She is your girlfriend at the end of the day, that’s what being in a relationship is, right? No, wrong! We may sound very practical as opposed to the ideal mushy tone that comes around when in love, but the truth is that there is a huge difference between caring and “being around all the time.” In fact, at times, the best way to show that you care is to respect your partner’s individuality and privacy needs.
You ask ten people of their definition of a healthy relationship, and all would agree that it should be minus a clingy partner. In the absence of being with someone who respects their individual space and the quintessential need for “me time”, the relationship is bound to become a smothering one and end sooner than ever. If you have been accused of being a clingy partner, then it is indispensable to pay attention to your behavior and rectify it before your excessive neediness turns into a repulsion in your girlfriend’s eyes. Yes you care, but don’t push it too far!
HOW TO NOT BE A CLINGY BOYFRIEND
Before we begin to impart tips on being absolutely different from what you are right now, know that we totally understand your position in this relationship. There is always a reason people tend to get clingy to those they value the most. It could be a bad experience in the past, an unknown fear of being left alone, lack of trust in the other person, possible insecurities within oneself, or having been neglected during childhood. So yes, there are serious underlying triggers that have made you the way you are, but to change with the need of the relationship is the key to a long-lasting bond with your girl. The following tips will help you with the ways to be less clingy and more caring.
1: Respect Her Need for Some Space
Your ability to give out space is what will remove the clingy tag from your demeanor, and yes, we know it wouldn’t be a piece of cake for you! First off, you need to identify what makes you so cling-ish with her. Is it because you don’t trust her, you have nothing else to do other than being with her, or you just don’t see the reason to be apart? Whatever it is, nullify all your thoughts that make you sport clingy-ness.
The blatant truth is that the more clingy you are, the more likely she will leave you and eventually find someone who isn’t like you. Yes, there may have been a time when she said “you are the best”, but it was till you showed your needy self to her. Even the best things of life get too much to handle if supplied in excess. Spare her from getting your overdose.
2: Focus On Your Interests
Love seems to overtake our existence, and everything else takes a backseat. That is what creates a problem. You get engrossed in her s-o-o-o-o much that it becomes difficult for you to focus on anything else. While there are some girls that kinda like that, not all girls are the same. In fact, these days, irrespective of the gender, nobody wants a partner who is there ALL the time.
At times, distance is what keeps things more interesting, and it is during that distance that you must focus on grooming yourself to be a better person. If you haven’t touched that guitar for a long time, tune it up again. How long has it been since you went to play snooker with your boys? Have you always wanted to see those irresistible six-pack abs on you? Well, make yourself a better person in your own eyes, and see how it will sparkle your relationship as well.
3: Have Faith in Her, and Be Confident in Your Relationship
At times, trusting a person is the utmost form of caring. Perhaps you would say, “It is not the trust, but the need to be together, and if there is nothing to hide, there is no reason to be away.” Well, that’s not how all human psyche works. To her, this nature of yours is probably shouting S-M-O-T-H-E-R-I-N-G. She might also think that you are always spying on her because you don’t trust her, and no relationship has ever thrived without trust. Perhaps it is your insecurity, maybe you feel you aren’t good enough for her, or that she will get attracted to someone better than you.
All this behavior eventually leads to the need of building confidence, both in yourself, in her, and this union of yours. There is no need to check her messages, social networks, and e-mails; if she has to cheat, she will do it invariably, but your cop-like behavior will compel her to run away from you, even if she didn’t mean to, in the first place. Give her your faith, some space, but let her know that you’ll be there when she calls out for you.
4: Make a Social Circle of Your Own
We have seen several cases where guys (and even girls) make a puppy face and say that they have nothing (or no one) else to get involved in other than being in the company of their partner. If that’s what you do, know that it ain’t a turn on for her, and who knows, in the long run, she might just end up taking you for granted! If your life revolves around her and only her, this is a step you must take, come what may.
Make sure that you have a “genuine” social circle of your own. If you have not been in touch with your school, college, or office friends for a long time, take an effort to rejoin these groups. Or, pursue an education- or career-related goal. The bottom line is to take your focus off her, to keep your mind occupied in productive things, things that she will be proud of, things that will pave way for a bright and prosperous future ahead, for the both of you.
5: Identify When You’re Getting Needy
It’s not that things will change instantly once you start working on them; it will definitely take some time, and you’ll have a bit of struggle to deal with. If it has become an obsession, a habit, a must-do to be around your girl, check on her off and on, “browse” through her social networking and other profiles, then learn to stop when you’re tempted to go down that road.
Tell yourself that all this will ultimately take her further away from you. Stop finding unreasonable reasons to call or text her. You don’t have to check her Facebook wall because you’re getting bored, and there is no need to get all jittery and panicky if she hasn’t communicated with you for some time. Once you start identifying the signs of your clingy behavior, you would consciously take efforts to keep them at bay.
6: Ask Her Assistance in Your Endeavor
If it’s out in the open, and she has confronted you of being too clingy, or if you realize that you haven’t been the chilled-out boyfriend she expected you to be, then it will be a good start to admit to her of your realization. Tell her that you are well aware of this clingy issue that has been going on, and that you’re willing to work on it. Your honesty will not only earn you brownie points, but will also fetch you the essential support of your partner.
Start off by addressing your issues with her and patiently listen to her issues with you. Evaluate where things go wrong, and where does the sweet and loving boyfriend in you become a clingy spy. If your effort seems genuine to her and if she remembers the reason she fell in love with you, she will definitely help you. And most importantly, she will know that you genuinely care for her and this relationship.
7: To Care is Not to ALWAYS Be There
“I’ll be there for you” sounds great, perhaps they are the perfect words to let another know that you care, but you don’t have to take everything so literally! To let go of the clingy tag, make sure that your love and care is reflected in forms that don’t involve a constant you. A once-in-a-week romantic outing is fine, but to show that you are giving her the space she needs, ensure that you encourage her to spend some time with her friends, to get involved in hobbies and activities that intrigue her, and at the end of the day, let her come to you on her own, sharing her thoughts about the day, about her “me time”, when you guys are having your “we time”.
There is a very thin line that divides a caring gesture with that of a clingy one. You need to ensure that you give her a due share of space, and have more variety in your life than just being around her. With more friends, hobbies, and other activities of your interest, it will be quite easy to be in a happy relationship with not only her, but also yourself. Remember, the more you value yourself, the more will she and everyone else value you. With the distance will come room to share more experiences, more ideas, more of everything with one another, and this is definitely something that will keep the spark alive. All the best for bringing out the best in you.