First dates are an exhilarating experience for a lot of us; mystery, fun, and anxiety are thrown into a haphazard mix of preset expectations. We live in an age where dating still retains its old-fashioned charm, but along the way, both sexes have made their share of mishaps. We can instantly recall an embarrassing incident from a date -- when stubborn bits of food got stuck in our teeth, or when we slipped and landed flat on our derrières -- which we hope we won't commit again. But are all of us cautious, and premeditate our actions for an upcoming date? Perhaps not.
Men in particular, need to be a little considerate when it comes to the fairer sex. Yes, we do have our own set of flaws where we'd be happy to have men point it out to us. But for now, the guys should kindly take notes on a woman's pet peeves of inappropriate, insouciant, and unchivalrous behavior. While a lot of women will vouch for the turnoffs as being the most popular, others are free to share their views on anything else our male readers may find just as helpful.
Top Dating Turnoffs for Women
The point of being on a date is to train your wholehearted attention to the person sitting at the opposite end of your table. While scintillating conversation fills the space between you two, it is important to note that things, like cell phones need to be put away and left on silent mode. But darling, if you're constantly going to take calls, or hurriedly send text messages every few seconds, don't be surprised when she chooses to promptly ignore all future contact.
When you sit across from her, just remember that this is not an interrogation of some sort; she doesn't need to feel like a convicted felon. It's a major turnoff when a man has the audacity to inquire fervently, about someone a woman no longer cares for, let alone thinks of. Maybe she's trying to move on or gain closure by dealing with her marred past, but that doesn't give a date the right to pry. When she's ready, she'll reveal the details. But for now, just enjoy the crème brûlée.
Dressed Not to Impress
Why is it difficult for a man to throw on a trendy semi-formal look effortlessly, or invest in a bespoke suit that screams sexy? Nothing is more uplifting and impressive to look upon, than a well-groomed man. A man who takes care of himself on the outside is more likely to be a health-conscious, confident, suave, born gentleman. If you haven't seen the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love. featuring Ryan Gosling, you must do so right away. Gosling whips actor Steve Carrell into an irresistible man with impeccable grooming habits and an unwavering self-assuredness that he was desperately in need of.
If a woman is really interested in how much you make -- and not what you actually do -- she will blatantly inquire about figures, whether you take frequent holidays and if a trip to the Bahamas sounds like the perfect place for a second date. Real women, on the other hand, do not care about the nitty-gritty details of your job, achievements, or even how often you travel. If we really want to know about what you do, we'll ask and genuinely show interest. We don't care otherwise. Bragging is not something you do when you want to impress someone who couldn't care less; in this case, less is more.
Easy on the Drinks!
It's definitely a loathsome turnoff when someone's in your face, and their breath reeks of alcohol. In this case unfortunately, it's your date that stinks like a drunken bum off the street. You're throwing her all the wrong signals if you're drinking like there's no tomorrow. She'll either think you need help, or expecting a little more than just a peck on the cheek. It's a first date, what were you thinking when you ordered the fourth drink? If you aren't going to take this woman seriously, then maybe what you need is a wild college girl with a drinking capacity to match.
Social Network Stalker
It's creepy when a guy can not only list out our hobbies without missing a beat, but know the exact moment when you put up a new Facebook post, for instance. Please do not log onto Facebook in front of a date, because that would be plain ridiculous. No, we do not want you to excitedly reveal, "Oh! Guess what? I'm your new follower on Twitter. Cool, right?", or "Why won't you accept my friend request (on Facebook)?" Seriously? An unhealthy association with social networking websites is a huge no-no. This sort of behavior can mean only one thing -- stalker.
If you're not looking for commitment, it would be wise to make this known prior to the first date. Leading a woman on, or looking for a no-strings-attached arrangement, isn't the right thing to do. If you're keen to take things slowly, reveal this inclination. Being honest and candid about your intentions is crucial, especially if she's looking for commitment. For men who want quick results, you're only digging your own grave. A huge turnoff is when a man gets a little too attached, or jealous if she's seeing other people simultaneously. You need to slow down!
While it is nice to know if a man wants to eventually settle down, we're not keen on knowing this on a first date. A first date doesn't need heavy conversation, so taking it slow is the key. You'll understand a lot about the woman you're with, if you observe her minutely, for her mannerism will reveal if she is the sort to 'put a ring on it', so to speak. Older men can get antsy about knowing this sooner; don't let it feed on your peace of mind. You'll be able to comfortably discuss marriage sometime later. Until then, shush.
Oh No, You Didn't!
If there's one thing I'm sure none of us can stand, it is being interrupted while we speak. Changing the topic of a conversation is utterly unforgivable, where conversation-interrupters shouldn't be shown any mercy, likewise. Cutting someone off during a conversation reveals a lot about yourself; disrespectful, impatient, egoistic, and boorish, are understated adjectives for the Neanderthal you portray to be. Wait your turn, hear her out, and then speak when she's finished. A gentleman never interrupts a lady while she's speaking, especially if the conversation doesn't involve a heavy debate or argument. Even then, a little show of decency wouldn't hurt.
A first date shouldn't be at a joint with the equivalence to Johnny Rockets, unless you're in high school. Make the first time the sort of date that she will look back on fondly, even if things don't work out. Do a little research about what sort of food the restaurant serves, and if it has a cozy yet not-so-romantic atmosphere. Ideally, it should be a nice, quiet place; you don't want to scream over the din at some pub, or lounge. The most important thing to do is make an advance reservation, particularly at a place that has rave reviews. Don't be a cheap date; women strongly dislike tightfisted men. Remember, the first impression is always the last impression.
Married? Um, No!
Don't be a jerk about revealing your connubial status; if you're married, you shouldn't be on a first date, to be honest. While fidelity is a rare commodity in a marriage, there are a pathetic hoard of women who are willing to be with married men. Decorous women will want to know the truth, since obviously morality overrules a good time. Find out if your date is the sort to engage in an extramarital affair, and if she is, well, no good can come out of it. Ideally, men who are either divorced or separated should entertain the idea of dating other women. Similarly, these situations call for honesty.
If you tell a date that you'll call her the next day, and you don't, it's quite vexing. Nobody forgets to call a first date when they say they will. We know it isn't entirely impossible to take a breather at work. Everyone has a few minutes to spare, where a brief email or SMS will do the trick if you genuinely are caught up with a mountain of work. Don't give your date the impression that this is how things are going to be between you two, especially if this is something new. Who needs a man who complicates things from the get-go? If you said you'd call, then dude, you better call. We women hate to wait by the phone.
So you're at home, flipping through sports channels while chugging beer, when you chance upon the time -- it's a little after midnight. So what do you do? Pick up the phone and call your date. No, wrong! Men who call only during nightfall, spell trouble. Is there something about daylight that bothers you? Be a gentleman (if possible) and call your date during the day, afternoon, or even in the evening (unless you're Edward from the Twilight series). One, women need their beauty sleep, and two, we're uncomfortable about the fact that post midnight is the 'only' time that you can call. We're not falling for that one.
Zero Table Etiquette
Why would you suckle your fingers after a meal, or belch obstreperously? This sort of behavior is paleolithic, making it downright nasty to behave like so, in front of a date. Remember your manners when you're in the company of a woman; in a way, it can seem disrespectful. When you're with the boys, you can loosen your belt, burp to your heart's content, and even chomp and slurp as loud as you please. But in front of us, we'd love it if you were civilized, and occasionally said 'Excuse me', if you do happen to expel gas nosily. And we mean all sorts of gas.
Some people love telling stories, lots of them. While stories can be enthralling, amusing, and insightful, others of a somber nature aren't all that intriguing. We don't want to hear sentimental stories of how your dog died when you were nine, or how you accidentally ran over the neighbor's cat -- a string of sad stories that beg for pity or comfort is exhausting. We want just a hint of the soft side to reveal itself, not an emotional dam that is irreparable. First dates are supposed to be fun and exciting, not a drab, weepy session of recounting the past. Save the sad stories for another day, and concentrate more on exchanging intellectual bits of conversation. Overly sensitive men are not our cup of tea.
A man who can't take his eyes off a woman's knockers while she's in his presence is disgusting, to say the least. Alright, so maybe they're abnormally large or distracting, but your pestiferous staring must nonetheless be nipped in the bud. A date that reveals his vulgar side isn't worth pursuing because of his obvious intentions. Focus on her expressions, body language, and the way she speaks. Some men would protest that there is no harm in staring, at least when she's not looking. Really? Well, we're bound to notice you gawking at them at some point during the date. Inappropriate staring is a monolithic turnoff.
A self-assured man is a major turn-on for a majority of women. A man who can take charge in and out of the boardroom, is exactly what we want. Not men who are reduced to a pile of stammering, sweaty-palmed wrecks in dire need of solace, when confronted with a challenging situation. Sigh. When it comes to dating, anxiety and stress play a major role in the game, no doubt. But the truth is, women want their men to confidently stride into a room and exude charm, leaving others swooning in delight. Take a deep breath and calm down -- she's not a man-eater. She'll sense your nervousness and may luckily pass it off as a nonverbal compliment, although don't keep it up for long.
Your date is seated comfortably in a luxurious restaurant, enjoying her second glass of wine, when the calm is suddenly pierced by a string of profanity. Yes, it was you cursing the waiter that brought the wrong order to your table. Apparently, politeness is a foreign concept to you. Learn how to be nice to waiters, or anyone that you come into contact with. As horrible as any incident may be to you, there's always a gentle angle of handling things. After all, it was a mistake. Your date will think that this is how you probably treat everyone you know, which could be highly probable. Don't be surprised if she doesn't return your phone calls.
Not Picking Up the Check
This turnoff is highly nettling for a lot of women out there. While many will insist on splitting the bill, a man must never allow a lady to pay, whether half or full. The biggest offense is when she offers to pay, and you willingly push the check towards her. Whoa! Within a second you crumble, put on an innocent face, fib about forgetting your wallet, and gladly sit back while she takes care of the check. Clearly, a man who makes a woman pay for his meal, will find other ways to make her produce her credit card. Ugh, a man who reeks of stale cigarettes sounds more appealing than a freeloader.
Many of us are aware of the condition called hyperhidrosis, or in layman terms, excessive sweating -- it isn't a person's fault, but it can be helped. Not all men suffer from this, mind you. Some are born pigs who roll gleefully in a sty before showing up for a date. Ever use the holy grail of body odor elimination, deodorant? Apparently not. Take a shower, use deodorant right after, and lastly, spritz yourself (semi-generously) with quality perfume and not a cheap knockoff. Just so you know, deodorant is not a body spray, it's strictly meant for your underarms. If you smell like an overused pair of gym socks, you know where to find the exit.
These are just some of the biggest turnoffs for women on a first date, where men would be wise to heed our advice. In the end, we all have our many shortcomings; the important thing is to be open and willing to make these changes.