When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to. ~ Helen Rowland
A divorce is much more than just the legal separation of two people who were until now, married. Divorce is the separation of two people who had once promised to live together, forever. From people who believed in commitment, they're now people who don't believe in 'forevers' at all. No one wants to get divorced; it is not even an option for many. However, as years pass by and people come to know one another better, problems start arising. Some people get married impulsively and the result on such marriages, most of the time, is separation. Marriage is an institution and to stay in it, compromises, adjustments and efforts need to be made. It's only when you think of divorce as an option, you start to see all the problems and those problems, later become issues. The effects of divorce on women are more highlighted than those on men. In this article, let's look at life after divorce, from a man's perspective.
Dealing with Divorce: A Man's Perspective
According to some reports, it was estimated that as much as 40% of all marriages in 2008, ended in divorce. Other statistics show that in Japan, in 2002, there were 290,000 divorces. Though these figures have since then seen a downward trend, we can't deny that there isn't much importance given to the institution today. Most of the divorces are filed by women all around the world. Though there are various types of divorce, the effect of each, on both the partners, is equally traumatic.
Emotional Setback is one of the most common effects of divorce on men today. Men already don't believe in commitment as much as women do, and whatever little they do, this belief is lost with the chapter of divorce in history. It is very easy for women to make friends and the concept of sharing thoughts and feelings comes more easily to women than men. After divorce, men are left with a lot of thoughts but no one to share them with. Friends are there but it's difficult to talk about personal issues according to most men.
Social Etiquette is most difficult to maintain after a divorce. Women are better equipped with words than men and thus, they can handle questions raised by people much better than what men can. For men, their social life suddenly reduces a lot due to unnecessary personal discussions at public events. Occasional guilt trips, regret and sadness make it difficult for men to indulge in social functions and gathering. Divorce hits the male ego much harder than the female one.
The Chance of Depression can't be ignored after a divorce. Sometimes, divorce is filed for after the birth of children and in most of these cases, the custody of these children remains with the mother. Though the other parent might have rights to visit the children whenever he wants, it's no longer the feeling of going back home to family. For a man, he is divorced by the entire family and not just his wife. Thinking about the effects of divorce on children makes men feel more responsible for the unfortunate. With the sense of being a bad husband, a man also might start believing that he is a bad father.
Finances, If Any are few of the long term effects on men. At times, after divorce, a man is liable to pay alimony to his wife and money for the education of his children. This additional financial liability along with the fees of lawyers is a financial effect of divorce on men that prevails for a much longer time than we think. Sometimes, even the property gets divided between the two individuals, and if a man loses a property that was once an investment, it can prove as a setback in most cases.
As we have seen, the effects of divorce on men are no less in intensity than they are on women. Divorce is never an option, so try working on your problems than putting an unnatural end to them. If you are having a difficult time coping up with life after divorce, you should seek for help and consult a psychologist in time. However, it's better to be positive about life now onwards. Remember, the end of something is the start of something else.